Julia Clark

Snow business like snow business like snow business like snow

Julia — Sat, 09 Jan 2010 23:05:53 +0000

I just did a gig with a great turn out. It was amazing how many people showed up. Incredible, really, considering how much trouble we’re all having getting into work. Seriously, I do not know what TFL did differently tonight. But they should try doing it between 7 and 9am, Monday to Friday, because that pub was packed.

I am personally rather enjoying this weather. It has been my first winter in a cold country for 3 years, so there is a definite novelty factor. Although I am determined not to become one of those irritating Brits who moves back from Oz and bangs on and on about how cold it is (in the middle of summer, just to make sure they definitely piss everyone off). My clothes may be too thin, my expectations to high, but the temperature is just fine.

My one issue with the weather, is that it gives journalists unlimited license to use the word ‘chaos’. Marauding bandits = Chaos. Raping and pillaging = Chaos. Human people eating other human people (without a doubt) = Chaos. This is not chaos. It is an adventure. And a really good excuse to turn up to work late. And avoid doing anything productive for the first half hour while you compete over who had the worst journey in: ‘It took you 40 minutes to get here from Paddington, really? Well, I know how just you feel because I actually set off yesterday. And Pete here had to dig his way in from Stratford.’

My dad

Julia — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 23:50:09 +0000

I recently heard that someone I respect had said something nice about me. Filled with pride, I rushed to the phone to call my father and share the news. The conversation went as follows:

Me: Hey dad. [Insert name of respected person] said that I was one of the most dedicated, hardworking young comics he’d met.

Dad: It’s a shame he didn’t say you were one of the funniest.

Boom! Take that, product of my loins!

I love my dad.

Time to say goodbye

Julia — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 23:51:39 +0000

There are many things I am going to miss about Australia. My neighbours (on the nasty side, as I now think of it) are not among them (for the record, and in case they ever read this, I really like the ones on the nice side – you know who you are).

The feud started when the man of the house got narky because, in the process of moving me into the house, we allowed our car to stray a foot over his driveway. The doors of the car were open. The door to our house was open. A move of some sort was clearly in full swing. “Welcome to the neighbourhood”, he did not say. “Would you like a hand”, he did not say. “Mate” (this he did say) “I’m upset”. Upset? Come on! Australians don’t get upset because something temporarily intrudes on their driveway. They get upset because something is vegetarian. Or alcohol free.

Plus, no-one needs to use chainsaws every day. What are they cutting? They are not building a house. I’ve checked. There’s already one there. They live in it. That’s how they are my neighbours. They are not chopping each other into tiny bits. They make so much noise, there can be no doubt that they are all very much still there. The husband and wife converse in dialogue reminiscent of bad soapies – filled with melodrama and bitterness but no swearing, because heaven forbid the children should hear the F-word. Because that’s what’s going to send them spiralling off into therapy. Every morning, mother screams: “Dennis” (names have been changed to protect the family’s identity) “get off the table!”. To this, Dennis replies “MaaaaaaaaaaaMaaaaaaaaaaMaaaaaaaaaaaMaaaaaaaaaa”. This is his variation on mama and he can sustain it at an alarmingly high pitch for an unpleasantly long time (I think he’s already mastered circular breathing). Why is this woman’s child always on the table? Nobody knows.

Yesterday I awoke at 7am to the sound of them throwing bricks, one by one, into a giant skip directly below my window. For once the family seemed to be enjoying themselves, as they launched their projectiles into the air and watched them land with a jaw clenching crash. I hate them.

The final straw came today, when I sprung from my bed at 5am in a fit of rage. One of the neighbours was directly outside my window, whistling. I live in an attic room. On a third floor. One of my neighbours had climbed a tree just so they could disturb my sleep by whistling outside my window. ”Typical”, I growled, “the bloody neighbours are whistling”. I was furious. Until I realised it was a bird.

I think it’s time to move.

Supporting spot at Sydney Comedy Store “Best of British”

Julia — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 15:05:45 +0000

In September I was part of a Best of British showcase at Sydney’s Comedy Store EQ (supporting Jeff Green and Eddy Brimson alongside fellow expat Paul Warnes).

The experience of performing regularly for two weeks on top of my full-time day job was as rewarding as it was bloody knackering (I’m trying to remember if it was in the middle of this run that I got dumped… nope, that was the time before). Gigging every night alongside pro comics, I got a whiff of what it would be like to do this for a living, and I liked what I smelled: a subtle blend of commitment, stale smoke and a whole heap of funny.

Wicked Women Comedy Cabaret

Julia — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 14:33:41 +0000

Performing with Wicked Women was great fun, not least because it gave me an excuse to get up on stage dressed like a massive tart.

I worked alongside the Founding Mothers of Wicked Women, Kathryn Bendall and Lisa Rathbone, to see this great project develop from a loose gathering of female comics doing stand-up at the Roxbury Hotel to my last show with the group - an all-singing, all-dancing, star-studded extravaganza at the Hornsby RSL, with burlesque dancers, feature acts Amanda Gray, Amelia Jane Hunter and Jackie Loeb, and the inimitable Fiona O’Loughlin as MC.

I’m not sure why the comics decided to join the very talented burlesque dancers in removing some (not all, lord no!) of their clothes in a distinctly talentless fashion at the end of the night. I’m pretty sure Fiona had something to do with it. The general consensus was that it wouldn’t have happened if Kitty Flanagan - our excellent MC at the previous gig – had been in charge.

I look forward to working with all of these ladies of Australian Comedy again in the future.

MICF 2009 Comedy Zone showcase

Julia — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 12:55:28 +0000

What better way to experience your first festival show than with the full support of the Melbourne International Comedy Festival and limited personal financial investment. Learning curve = huge, steep and utterly worth it. Thank you MICF!

Here’s the blurb from festival website:

Pop! The best new talent in Australia, hand picked by the Comedy Festival, is exploding – quietly – in The Comedy Zone this year.

Lo-fi, elaborate conceits unfold like origami, with punchlines with the kick of some wildly funny wasabi.

Featuring four exciting, fresh new acts: Julia Clark (NSW), Laura Davis (WA), Neil Sinclair (VIC) and musical duo Smart Casual (NSW).